Boundary Up Buttercup
2025 has officially hit us, a new year filled with possibilities, revolutions and new abundance. Why, then are so many of us anxiety ridden not even a full month into those rejuvenating goals?
Are you feeling overwhelmed?
How’s your depression & anxiety in this moment?
Let me ask you just ONE more question…do you have trouble saying no?
Many of us on this spiritual journey are empathic givers, saying no to takers is a burden. Often times it feels like a lose lose situation. If someone asks for help and you say no you’re failing that other person, but if you say yes you’re drowning and failing yourself. Our culture has told us for generations to put others above ourselves, to just be kind no matter what. Be kind without expecting a reward.
Here’s the thing, being kind with out expecting a reward is great if it’s one thing. Opening a door for a stranger, helping a friend in need, watching pets or kids in times of emergency, all acceptable ways to help a friend without expecting reciprocation.
HOWEVER if you’ve done this 976 times without reciprocation you are no longer being kind. No, I’m sorry, but if that’s the case…you’ve officially become a doormat.
How to know if you’ve become a doormat…
- You may feel like all kinds of boots have rubbed their mud into your very soul.
- You may be dreading the next ‘thing’ you have to do for others.
- You’ve forgotten who you are, you’ve literally lost yourself in the process of putting others before you.
Kindness isn’t supposed to work that way, we aren’t supposed to be continuously filling others cups while drowning in the desolation of serving only others. This idea has become so convoluted in our current culture and it’s our job to take care of ourselves.
That’s right, I said it. It’s no one else’s job to take care of you, it’s YOURS. So make yourself a priority, protect your peace and create boundaries to make sure you don't drown.
Right now…go write four boundaries that may help your stress level and prioritize your mental health. Writing them down isn’t enough though, you’ve got to stick to them. So get them in your notes on your phone and the next time someone asks you to do something, run it by your boundaries list, if it goes against one of them SAY NO. Practice makes a perfect.
Some of the boundaries I set last year went as follows:
- You can not plan things with my kids. You MUST ask one of their parents, being myself or my husband. I will no longer honor plans made with a 9 year that haven’t gone through their parents first.
- I will no longer require myself to honor plans that aren’t made at least 24 hours in advance. AND if they’re made with less than an hours notice I am no longer required to justify my answer of No.
- You are not allowed to speak ill of myself or my partner to my children, it shifts an unnecessary burden onto their shoulders, they’re kids. And they love & trust their parents, don't be the person that crosses that line. If you do, continuously, you no longer get to be a part of their lives.
- While I honor and respect that many people have opinions in how my business should be run, and while I am willing to listen to any and all ideas, criticisms and other comments, listening does not mean I am required to implement all said ideas. In the end this is my business, run on my morals and values and I will not make myself into anything other than my authentic self for any reason. If you can’t respect that then our frequencies are no longer serving on another’s.
While these seem simple, maybe even normal to some, I lost many people of the last year due to simply adhering to these boundaries. This is not easy. There is a good chance it means that you end up saying goodbye to some people, but remember that those not willing to respect your boundaries, never respected you in the first place. They used you.
Stop being the doormat.
Start being YOU again.